Man…CTC really did break my heart though. Smh. I’m over it…but I don’t understand it.
my days are filled with working, school, sleep, food, more sleep. just can’t seem to get enough. counting down the days until I move on to the next step in my life. this long distance thing…taking a toll on me right now. i’m used to having someone there whenever i need them. that person to come home to, have lunch w/ in the middle of the day, around when no one else is. but that person is 3.5 hours away. i’ve got my babies (stufed animals) but sometimes that isn’t enough. graduation,. i’m scared. like i’m ready to graduate, but at the same time…i’m still a kid. i’m not trying to be “grown”. i love sleeping in my mommy’s bed and playing with my 3 year old brother and playing video games and all that other “lame” stuff. i love my boyfriend. for a minute i thought i was going to be one of those crazy ppl with 14 cats & shit. i say i’m over what they did to me…but i still don’t understand it. whenever i see here, i have this sudden urge to tear all up in her a„ …but let’s just say there is a God. i miss some of my past relationships with people…not “relationships”…but those special friendships that have evolved now. sometimes i wish things could have been different but in all honesty some things were just in the way. i miss my uncle and my godmother and my great grandmother and my grandfather. four deaths in one year’s span. crazy. i still can’t believe they’re gone. every time i go to Miami, i start thinking about my childhood and how things have changed. my mom’s best friend is gone, my grandma’s brother and mother, my dad’s dad. life is crazy. i don’t really talk to anyone. besides my mom. that’s my number one lady. best friend. she doesn’t judge. she’s dependable. that’s my heart. when i make it…boy she won’t have to worry about A THING. i’m not perfect. i make mistakes… but somehow everything works out? temptations of the negative are so hard sometimes. so hard to fight the flesh….battle i go through everyday. try to please God but there is negativity and evil all around….my heart is right though, and that’s the essence of a person. anyway….time to go to sleep. just random thoughts jumbled in my mind.